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The Dkaid.com Network :: Urvrythang Else :: A Plethora of Paranormal :: Funny Jokes

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Topic: Funny Jokes (Read 227 times)

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Funny Jokes
« Thread Started on Aug 24, 2006, 7:58am »

Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace". God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace."

Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?
Because he didn't have any attachments.

What did the Zen Master say when she walked into the Pizza Shop?
'Make me one with nothing.'

Two men are talking on the street. 'And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?' 'Yes, he is. But he is meditating now.' 'Meditating? What's that?' 'I don't know, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing!'

When the Master received the pizza, she gave the pizza-man a $20 bill.
The pizza-man pocketed the bill.
The Master asked "Don't I get change?"
The Zen pizza-man replied, "Change must come from within."

Did you hear about the Master who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked her if she wanted an anaesthetic, the Master replied, "No, I can transcend dental medication."

A new yoga student arrived at the guru's ashram. The guru told him, 'You can stay here but we have one important rule - you must completely observe the vow of silence. You will be given a chance to speak every 12 years. After 12 long years of yoga and meditation, the student was finally allowed to speak only one sentence. He said, 'The bed is too hard.' He then continued for another 12 years of spiritual discipline and eventually had another opportunity to speak one more sentence. He said: 'The food is not good.' Twelve more years of hard work and another opportunity to speak. After 36 long years of practice, he said, 'I Quit.' His guru replied, 'Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining!'

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her very very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long fights. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him," replied the lady.

Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping. The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping" A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping" A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping." The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"

Mortal: "What is a million years like to you?". God: "Like one second". Mortal: "What is a million dollars like to you?". God: "Like one penny". Mortal: "Can I have a penny?". God: "Just a second".

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they are the light bulb.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar and has a drink. The bartender asks him, "Would you like another?" Descartes pauses and says, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

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Re: Funny Jokes
« Reply #1 on Aug 24, 2006, 9:25am »

Those are groan inducers.

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Skwee Meier St. Sputnik
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Re: Funny Jokes
« Reply #2 on Aug 24, 2006, 3:45pm »

But rather funny.

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100% Pure Descartes Antix
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Re: Funny Jokes
« Reply #3 on Aug 29, 2006, 7:37am »

Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace". God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace."

I reply to God with "It's seems you are wrong again for when I remove myself of 'I' and 'want' I will automatically have 'O Lord, peace' Huzzah!"

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OpenYourEyes
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Re: Funny Jokes
« Reply #4 on Sept 4, 2006, 6:46pm »

Quote:

There you have it! The man outsmarted God! We have a winner! ::)

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